Friday, October 3, 2008

The River is Wide

Now that the ripple effect of LP's departure has subsided, it is time to move on to general orders of business. You know, academia, DC news, gay shit.

First. I am glad that I managed to finish five exams in the last two weeks without having a single nervous breakdown in the library. And now that it's over, an immense weight has been lifted from my I-wish-they-were-muscular-shoulders. I feel so good right now. Like I never have to worry about an exam ever again (not true). Like I'm on top of all my responsibilities (not true). Like my boyfriend is waiting outside my door with some chicken parmesan (not true). But regardless, I feel great. I've been looking forward to this post-exam euphoria for as long as I've been stressing out over the exams themselves. And really, the entire time I was more excited about being done with it all than I was worried about failing out of school.

Second. I have a crush on Sarah Palin, which is not to say that I think she's qualified, but she looks exactly like the woman president of the future I have always envisioned. Can we hollow her out and stuff Hillary inside? I'm not going to fall into the trap of talking about politics because it's just a big forum for bitching. And needless to say, most of my readers will defend Obama/Biden as ferociously as a fat kid defends cake.
So I won't go there. Does this mean my blog is going to lack depth? Probably. But where it is lacking in depth, it will be very, very wide.

Third. I was reading Sean Cody the other night (did you notice how I said "read" like it's some sort of educational literature), and I noticed all the hot little straight boys that have done some "experimenting." "Yeah. He blew his junk in my mouth. Whatever." Like it's the equivalent of trying a new flavor of frozen yogurt . Anyway, I've read plenty of stories of bloggers who have "experimented" with hot little straight boys of their own. So it's definitely going on somewhere out there / probably two doors down my hall. But the only kind of experimenting I seem to do is the oxidation of acetophenone in CHEM242. Dear Readers, How do I find hot little straight boys that want to experiment? I think they should all wear those sandwich signs that say, "Sure, I'll give it a try." And on the back, it will say, "But no kissing." And I will pretend I didn't see the back part.


dickophile said...

i always like where your head is at. so tell me. how have you gotten over lp this quickly?

Aek said...

Ugh, it sounds like you're experimenting with organic chemistry. Not fun. I'd prefer hot guys over orgo any day. XD

David said...

gj on finishing your exams!

palin, much like obama, can connect with the common people. that is very important. and she seems like a very nice, soccer-mom type who makes baed goods on weekends. but would you want her and mccain to win? compare the two parties and see where they stand.

i read sean cody too ;)
i don't have advice on how to lure little straight boys though...

connecticut yankee said...

I think j got over Preppy cause this blog is so good. I stumbled over it a few days ago and I have to say, you have me wetting myself with laughter. My boyfriend was happy LP died, since he thought it did away with the late night blackberry peaks at London Preppy before the lights went off, but no, now I have a new addiction. When will the madness end!?!

As for the straight boys.

Join a sports team.

Use your gaydar to find the undercover gay.

Become his friend. A very good friend.

Get him drunk one night over pizza and beer in your dorm room. I mean, absurdly drunk.

Start talking about hot birds - that is girls for you boys stateside.

Suggest popping in a very good straight porn movie.

Put in the movie.

Continue to supply alcohol to said 'straight boy'.

Talk about how hot the girls "jugs" are. Talk about how you would like to give her a pearl necklace.

Gently suggest a circle jerk.

If you have done things properly, everything should go on autopilot from here.

If he is gay, he will go along with it all since this is all being done under the auspices of 'straightness' and 'chicks' and he can claim it just went a bit crazy. If he is really gay, you will have perhaps gained a new fuck. Be carefull, these recently gayed straight boys tend to get attacked like leeches since the world as they know it may possibly be imploding.

If he is straight, he will have left earlier in the evening, possibly after having called you a "fucking fag" and perhaps after also punching you in the face.

Hey, nothing risked nothing gained.

Oh, and start with club sports, easier pray.

j said...

dick: i haven't. but people don't want to hear me lament.

aek: i prefer colonics over orgo.

david: and it would be wrong to assume that just because she is a religious woman from a rural state, the only thing she can do is bake cookies. she's not an idiot. and no, she doesn't stand up for everything i believe in. but neither does obama. and really, i don't want either of them to win.

yankee: god that pizza idea sounds so good right now.

Oldyeller said...

Wow, a homo who doesn't spout the usual hateful rhetoric about Sarah (c_nt seems to be a popular description of her). You're my hero! (Not that I'm voting for McCain-but there seems to be a lack of civil political discourse by gays on blogs.)

Just started reading when LP alerted us to your blog. Like it a lot.