Friday, February 27, 2009


Every time I think about something for the first time, I start seeing it everywhere soon afterwards. Remember my last entry? Right after I wrote it, I saw a guy in my econ class leave a half eaten doughnut on his chair when class was over. I almost ripped off his face. The same day, a girl stood in the middle of the aisle to have a conversation with her friend when everyone was trying to leave the lecture hall. I almost chopped off her head. And that night, when I was in the dining hall with my friend, she made me wait an eternity for her while she searched the entire premises for a single cap for her drink. I almost unfriended her on Facebook.

This can also apply to other situations. Like for instance, whenever I learn a new word, I feel like it suddenly shows up in everything that I read. Salacious (ok, I implanted this one). And this one time, I was stalking a 14 year old boy and he mentioned something about Golden Corral, a place I'd never heard of before. The next day, I couldn't turn on the TV without hearing something about Golden Corral. In case you are wondering, it's a low-end restaurant and not a low-end cowboy fetish store.

I'm sure there is a psychological explanation for all of this. Perhaps we don't notice things until we think about them, and then they are everywhere. Perhaps I look for positive reinforcement for my theory and I ignore all the evidence that contradicts it. But I doubt I will ever know if this is all coincidence, divine intervention, or just a mean trick my brain is playing on me.

I have to say though, this phenomenon does not always work. Because I have been thinking about having a boyfriend for the past 5 years. And he has yet to materialize.

Monday, February 2, 2009

Let Me Get One Thing Straight

There's something about straight boys that makes my heart flutter. Could it be their cock swinging arrogance? Their swashbuckling demeanor? The way they always think about sex? The unkempt stubble on their faces? Their goofy smiles? Their silly talk about unimportant things like sports and cars? Yes. All of the above. I love me some hetero ass.

But this presents an interesting paradox. What's the point of being attracted to somebody that will never be interested in you? Is this an elaborate subconscious scheme to sabotage my own life? Is this an effort to keep love at bay so I can never have my heart broken?

No. Straight boys are so hot. I don't understand how anybody on this entire planet could not want to fuck a straight boy. I would give a kidney to fuck a straight boy. I would give up Desper
ate Housewives to fuck a straight boy. I would renounce Britney to fuck a straight boy. Straight boys are so hot. Girls, I don't blame you for getting in my way. If I were a girl, and not ugly, I would be a total slut. I would probably have sex with an entire sports team at once. Because straight boys are that hot.

If anything, my infatuation with straight boys is due to the fact that they represent everything I am not. They are confident and aggressive and rugged and beautiful. Straight boys complete me. They are the cheese to my macaroni, the peanut to my jelly, the Cannon to my Carey. And while they're so busy chasing girls and talking about the Superbowl, they don't even realize how happy we could be together.