Monday, January 11, 2010

Carwin's Theory

I don't usually read new blogs because people are idiots and reading their stupid thoughts and stupid prose makes me all sweaty and upset.

I recently started reading a blog by an 18-something: Carwin's Closet.

I was intrigued by the post "Hope-o-Meter Plummets," which discusses the unfairness of college admissions and his general mistrust of the process. Nevermind the title, this post made me feel good on the inside for once in my life because I was fucked by college admissions and will jump on any wagon that points out its flaws. I've had to watch people miles and miles dumber than me get into my dream schools while I fester in my current situation. It's turned me into one of those bitter, bitchy fags and not one of those happy, fun fags.

But his next post is, "YALE CLASS OF 2014."

Which, I feel like, sends a mixed message. There is something bothersome about a guy who only complains about a system until he gets what he wants out of it. I'm still festering here. What happened to THE CAUSE?

I tried to make myself feel better and I assumed he was from Montana or Winnipeg or some other dumb locale where getting into a good college isn't that difficult. I've always hated the fact that living in DC meant I had to compete with the kids of stupid politicians and the bitches at NIH and NIST. Also, it was a mistake to go to a magnet school because everyone there was like, obsessed with being smart and it was annoying. But it turns out he's from SoCal, where there are a serious number of Asians.

I suppose his real advantage was going to a private school and being a self-proclaimed privileged kid. I feel better and worse at the same time. Maybe this proves that I am smarter than him but it also means that regardless, he's going to get more out of life than I will. I don't blame him. I'm just jealous. Side note: I thought it was somewhat comical that he contended he had "seen the real world" by living in Switzerland for four months and India for two. The Swiss aren't exactly rife with poverty and I have my doubts he was slumming it in the Bombay ghetto.

The sad fact is that it's not really survival of the fittest in this world. He got a leg up because of his money, and working hard matters less for him than it does for the rest of us [me]. A lot of us [me] worked just as hard, if not harder than he did but we [I] got nothing out of it because nobody really cares about the son of two poor immigrants. [Read: his best doesn't have to be as good as my best.] Well it's sad for me. I'm sure he is still clicking his heels with joy right now.
But the real point here is that the system is broken, even if one privileged kid from SoCal gets some good news.

Insult to injury, I'm not on is blog roll and he doesn't even know who I am / how great I am. I feel like Miranda Priestly in The Devil Wears Prada, "So you don't read Runway... and before today you've never heard of me..."

I'm frustrated that somebody I feel better than is getting the things I couldn't. His blog isn't particularly insightful or well written. But then again, I'm the one who quotes The Devil Wears Prada and listens to Bad Romance on repeat for two months. I mean, I'm pretty sure that still makes me better than him. But he does get more comments and has more followers than I do...

I don't actually think I'm better than him - smarter maybe, but not better. In the end, it's just disheartening to have all these problems, and have no money, AND be gay, AND be ugly, AND be fat. And this is probably the real reason why it's hard for me to read other people's blogs and listen to their problems. Because compared to me, these kids have it easy.


Toby said...

I think it's funny that you didn't link to him. Taken right out of my own passive-aggressive playbook.

I read a few of his posts. He seems 18 going on 40. Wow, I was a total train wreck when I was 18, wasn't I? Whatever, it made for better blogging anyway.

Toby said...

OK, I read a few more of his posts. I'm not letting him off easy just because he's 18. He's a tool.

Also, I wish him luck with his New Year's resolution to "gain muscle mass." Ha, he and I have more in common than I previously thought!

Anonymous said...

I know compliments make you depressed, nevertheless - yours is one of the best-written blogs on gay life out there.
Persevere and be consistent, someday you might get a book deal.

Now go and bathe in your sorrows, and be sure to write about them!

Toby said...

I'm going to post one more comment because I feel bad for calling him a tool. He simply reminds me of why I avoid 18+ night at Town.

Louis said...

I hate that blog, but I imagine he gets more followers than you because he deals with specific coming out issues etc, with a narrative style any moron can understand. It takes half a brain to fully appreciate what you write (or rather, have crafted) and many just don't posses that - why would you want them as followers anyway?

You seem to have forgotten that life isn't fair dccised.

Louis said...

Added to that - I know what his problem is: his complete lack of self-awareness.

Oldyeller said...

Yes, but he ain't got no Tall Blonde Alcoholic in his life.

Of course, your post is just adding to his readership total.

Aek said...

Wow this post seethes of jealousy and bitchiness. Yeah, life isn't fair. Such is the nature of things. :-/

I congratulate him on getting into Yale. Just because he has a seeming advantage over you doesn't mean he didn't have to try his best.

And "the real world" is everywhere. It's real for everyone. I feel such comments are a bit unfair. Then again, nothing's fair, lol.

Aek said...

Ah yes, I forgot about Tall Blond Alcoholic. This is true, you've got him. How're things going, btw?

Anonymous said...

You have one of the best blogs out there, bar none and I've been following a while. I know that you don't give a shit about me as much as you think others don't give a shit about you but its true.

You make me laugh so much, even if its not your intention (which it obviously is) and more than just mindless comedy (and your comedy is not mindless), you have a narrative style that you don't just see anywhere in the blogworld or most literary work for that matter.(And I include LondonPreppy)

I got fucked by the system too so I'm pissed.

Jeff said...

dear dccised,

love, jeff

Anonymous said...

I totally understand what you are saying; I had similar thoughts when reading his blog.

david said...


.... generic comment about how good of a writer you are ....


athlonnyc said...

i hate to disagree with everybody above, but this is a terrible post

Who are you to judge whether somebody you do not know should or shouldnt enter into Yale, based on totally superficial demographics?

How can a gay person fall to such stereotyping?

Toby said...

athlonnyc, gay people don't stereotype others? I had no idea.

Anonymous said...

athlonnyc, I would recommend that you spend some time browsing It will give you some insight on how the messed up system of college admissions works.

Upper middle class kids at prep schools have many more opportunities to do "research" at the NIH due to parents' connections, start getting training in a particular sport or musical instrument at an early age (athletic scholarship), go "volunteer" in some random third world country, etc. URMs get a pass here since they are URM. Everyone else just gets screwed over.

Oldyeller said...

Athlon--Dc Cised is indeed stereotyping, but being bitchy, jealous, unfair, and seriously self-bludgeoning are all part of the blog character that we keep coming back to read.

LordNelson said...

Being bitter can be fun, consider it a hobby.

Anonymous said...

Ya. He sucks.

Logan said...

Money isn't real. I wouldn't worry about it. You are enrolled in school now and are doing well, or at least give that impression.

Besides all of that, struggling a bit in life and being somewhat unfortunate is more glamorous in my opinion.

Toby- I miss your blog.

The Illustrious D said...

I cancelled my Lunesta prescription after that reading two of that kid's posts.

Blogs that are nothing more than journal entries with no critical analysis or humour are nothing more than their author's desire to have their existence affirmed by others. And that's fine. Hopefully he gets it, just as you get affirmation from fellow caustic/observational bloggers that use their blogs as bitchy mouthpieces. I know which I prefer.

From Winnipeg. Holler.

Random Thinker said...

I know what you're up to... shameless attempt at getting more people to your blog, and to comment. It worked!

I love your blog, I like Carwin's too... I can like em all if I want to!

Just blog more, I miss your posts!

Andy said...

I could've wrote this post early in undergrad. Judge away - class warfare is underrated. Also, there are some STUPID FUCKS at Yale, so don't feel too bad about not being there or somewhere like it.

Also, "Toby" had the whiniest (read: entertaining-est) blog ever, and now look where he is. His dream of being fat has been fulfilled.

Moral of the story: Dream Big! And keep half-ironically bitching, it's cathartic.

Tim said...

thinking life is unfair is pretty normal, but pointless. After all if it's unfair than no one will care and it's the nature of the world. but still your missing the big point, neither school, nor a job, not being straight, nor being rich will make you happy or successful.
It doesn't matter where you go to school if you have the drive and ambition to do anything you can succeed but in the end its up to you not anyone else.
Yes connections can get you a job but no job can make you happy if you aren't doing something that interest you. It's your life and your blog please feel free to vent but don't believe for a second that being jealous is ever worthwhile.

PYB said...

Jason Carwin said...

I struggled with whether or not to write a comment on this post. I didn't want to come off as a bitchy brat who whines a the slightest sign of trouble. However, I eventually decided to write one I did not want to ignore this post and pretend it never happened. I want to learn from those who criticize me, and to learn, I must comment.

The criticisms on my post Yale Class of 2014 seem to be as follows: 1) I am a hypocrite. 2) Since I got into Yale, I must've had it easy.

I still believe that the college admissions process is broken and wrong, but does that mean I was supposed to be UPSET that I got into my dream school? I admit I probably came off as insensitive and contradictory, but doesn't a guy have a right to be happy? It doesn't change the fact that a number of my friends got screwed by the admissions process. I still feel the same way, I just recognize that I got super lucky.

As for the second criticism, yes, I have more advantages than the average person starts out with and I used them to learn. Maybe this can be seen as unfair or elitist, but would you rather that I sat at home as one of those lazy, rich kids who deal drugs on the side because it's exciting?

I know so many wealthy kids in my neighborhood who don't do anything. They go to the public school and do maybe 30 minutes of homework per night. My coworkers were astounded when they heard that I do 3 to 4 hours of homework per night. I'm not saying I work harder than you. I am just saying that I work a lot harder than a lot of people. Money does not mean I have to work less.

I work very hard. It never crossed my mind that I could relax and take it easy because I am wealthy. My advantage has been more opportunities, but nothing was ever handed to me. Nobody walked up to me and asked if I wanted to go to Yale.

I don't mind criticism, in fact, I welcome it. However, I prefer if criticism comes with suggestions on how to change and become a better person, so what suggestions can you make?

Frankly, I am a bit shocked at some of the claims made in this post. Many assumptions were made based off the fact that I come from a privileged world. Imagine if I made gross assumptions about people because they come from a “lower middle class or working class” world. Would that be considered fair? Would people applaud my insights? No. It would be considered vile and disgusting.

You also mention the content of my blog. My blog is informal and personal; however, I do not think that is a bad thing. Our blogs have different objectives. Mine is a public journal that helps me and hopefully others. Furthermore, I do not edit my posts before posting. I sit down and write.

The rest of the post discusses whether or not you are better than I am. In the end, you decide that you are not better than I, but simply smarter. That may be true, but these conclusions are drawn from startlingly small amounts of evidence:
1) Jason has money.
2) Jason is going to Yale.
3) Jason's posts are poorly written.

You may be smarter than I, and I suspect you are. However, I think you can find more evidence to support this claim.

The post closes with a claim that you have had a harder life than I have had. This may be true, but once again, I do not think you provide enough evidence to support such a claim. I do think that you have had different challenges than I have had, but I do not think that makes my life easier than yours. We all have different problems. Just because mine aren't as visible doesn't mean they don't exist.

The first time I read this post, I felt highly offended, but now I see past that. This is a very well written post. I even found myself laughing at the jokes.

What also struck me is how similar we seem to be, and I apologize if I insult you by making such a comparison. I consider myself a deep thinker who loves Lady Gaga. I don't know much about the Devil Wears Prada, but I do know that whenever I'm about to faint, I eat a cube of cheese.

Mike said...

@ Jason "I even found myself laughing at the jokes."

How dare you!!! :)

Anonymous said...

You are lazy and lack focus. That is why you dropped out of arch school and that is why you're envious. If you were really immersed in what you do there would be no time for bitterness or jealousy.
You should write more.

Jason Carwin said...

lol @anon. Basically you said, "You SUCK! Please write more. :)"

matt said...

I went to a private school filled with the people you seem to both despise and aspire to be. I truly don't understand how you can construct finely worded and tuned sentences and yet lack the maturity to see past these college frustrations. I thought everyone graduated high school, went to their university, and realized how silly they were for thinking any of that shit matters. Grow up!

Also, its super creepy, and somewhat telling of your character, how you have a twitter account for your anonymous and under-read blog.

I know I'm being a bitch but there's something about you that absolutely disgusts me...

Sean said...

Dear matt,

you smell.

Anonymous said...

In the end, it's just disheartening to have all these problems, and have no money, AND be gay, AND be ugly, AND be fat. And this is probably the real reason why it's hard for me to read other people's blogs and listen to their problems. Because compared to me, these kids have it easy.

Dude, get off the pity train. We've all got problems. Although I really enjoy your writing, I think the biggest difference between the two blogs is attitude. Carwin seems to appreciate his life and you enjoy whining about it. If you think you're fat, either lose some weight or accept it and move on. If you don't feel good about yourself, thinking you're "better" than someone else using some arbitrary measure such as intelligence, money, school, whatever, isn't going to help. You are a talented writer. Focus on your attributes and the good things in your life.

Mike said...

oh, the humanity of the post.

where oh, where shall it be?

there is no humor in humanity. how dare you DC ist!!