There's something about straight boys that makes my heart flutter. Could it be their cock swinging arrogance? Their swashbuckling demeanor? The way they always think about sex? The unkempt stubble on their faces? Their goofy smiles? Their silly talk about unimportant things like sports and cars? Yes. All of the above. I love me some hetero ass.
But this presents an interesting paradox. What's the point of being attracted to somebody that will never be interested in you? Is this an elaborate subconscious scheme to sabotage my own life? Is this an effort to keep love at bay so I can never have my heart broken?
No. Straight boys are so hot. I don't understand how anybody on this entire planet could not want to fuck a straight boy. I would give a kidney to fuck a straight boy. I would give up Desperate Housewives to fuck a straight boy. I would renounce Britney to fuck a straight boy. Straight boys are so hot. Girls, I don't blame you for getting in my way. If I were a girl, and not ugly, I would be a total slut. I would probably have sex with an entire sports team at once. Because straight boys are that hot.
If anything, my infatuation with straight boys is due to the fact that they represent everything I am not. They are confident and aggressive and rugged and beautiful. Straight boys complete me. They are the cheese to my macaroni, the peanut to my jelly, the Cannon to my Carey. And while they're so busy chasing girls and talking about the Superbowl, they don't even realize how happy we could be together.