Monday, February 2, 2009

Let Me Get One Thing Straight

There's something about straight boys that makes my heart flutter. Could it be their cock swinging arrogance? Their swashbuckling demeanor? The way they always think about sex? The unkempt stubble on their faces? Their goofy smiles? Their silly talk about unimportant things like sports and cars? Yes. All of the above. I love me some hetero ass.

But this presents an interesting paradox. What's the point of being attracted to somebody that will never be interested in you? Is this an elaborate subconscious scheme to sabotage my own life? Is this an effort to keep love at bay so I can never have my heart broken?

No. Straight boys are so hot. I don't understand how anybody on this entire planet could not want to fuck a straight boy. I would give a kidney to fuck a straight boy. I would give up Desper
ate Housewives to fuck a straight boy. I would renounce Britney to fuck a straight boy. Straight boys are so hot. Girls, I don't blame you for getting in my way. If I were a girl, and not ugly, I would be a total slut. I would probably have sex with an entire sports team at once. Because straight boys are that hot.

If anything, my infatuation with straight boys is due to the fact that they represent everything I am not. They are confident and aggressive and rugged and beautiful. Straight boys complete me. They are the cheese to my macaroni, the peanut to my jelly, the Cannon to my Carey. And while they're so busy chasing girls and talking about the Superbowl, they don't even realize how happy we could be together.

10 comments:

Shane said...

Aww ... reading this makes me want to become straight again :(

And I thought I had gotten over that phase...

Anonymous said...

middle rght- SMOKIN. left sde, left,-SMOKin. author-cuddly

J said...

i use tot hink the same thing, but renouncing britney for a straight guy. that would be a tough decision. i think id just give up my left ball.

dickophile said...

what you dont realize is that one of the guys in that picture is a closet case. and hes screaming inside cause all he wants to do is strip the other three naked and ravage them.

Seth said...

LOL.

I dunno about "swashbuckling" - it brings to mind gay pirates. (With lots of puns).

But just as, for example, Catholics and Jews have guilt, gay men all seem to have hetero-lust. Its a common affliction, and even years of therapy can't make a dent.

Although, the entire sports team... w00t!!

David said...

and once in awhile you'll get a bicurious one to mess around with!

Ali said...

David is right. Go to some of your schools frat parties J. That's how I meet the "straight" guys :)

Aek said...

Awww, I understand the feeling. There is something . . .

Doug said...

Couldn't agree with you more... mmmmm ::drool::

Random Thinker said...

what's next, older married guys?

lol