Saturday, August 16, 2008

Sorry bosteaparty

And there are really no words to describe how much I hate work. On Thursday, the night matches all go to three sets so I am stuck there until 02:00. I literally consider sleeping in my car overnight since I have to come in at 09:00 anyway. I don't though. Because __________ Tennis Center is within Rock Creek Park; the place where they found Chandra Levy's body.

And today, my mood is already delicate since I'm running off of five hours of sleep. But even so, the tournament directors conspire to break my spirit. Everyone I work with is so frustratingly elitist and self-important that it numbs my mind just thinking about it. Don't they know that I am better than them in every way possible? I've never felt so patronized in my entire life. Two people called me stupid this week. Three if you count Steevo. And that is enough to get me wondering...

When I started this blog in June, I was pretty ambitious when it came to what I wanted to accomplish. I assumed that in two weeks time, I'd have enough readers to populate a small island country. I also thought I would always feel excited to share my opinions with others. But since June, I've made more enemies than friends through this blog by being myself. And I no longer feel like my opinions should be shared, especially when people take things so personally. I know I should be able to swallow people's adverse reactions to the things I write. But I don't think I can because I take everything [direct insults to my character] just as personally. And I guess I've portrayed myself as an arrogant whiny prick that hates mentally retarded people. But in my heart, I know that's not who I am. I'm just saying everything wrong. And it's time to give blogging a rest until I figure out how to say it right.

8 comments:

bosteaparty said...

Damn't, J, you can't go right after I find you! I understand but I hope you come back to this soon. I can relate so well to your entries and your writing is fantastic. Anyone who can't see the ironic humor you use is missing out on something wonderful.

I hope everything gets better for you soon and I'll be here waiting till you muthafuckin return.

Shane said...

Awwwww... what?!

Good luck + Take it easy !

James said...

I'm sorry to hear about the temporary closing of the blog, but I think you're doing the right thing. There's a line between occasional ironic comment and scalding sarcasm, and I know for me the blog rings to far to the latter side. I had to give up reading the blog after a while; it was really too much to stomach. I thought, does this guy really think his life's that bad?

I think you have a lot of good things to say, J. But I also think your outlook and your wording of your blog need some serious revision if you don't want to put readers off. I sincerely hope you find that place. We want to be here to support you as we our way in the world with you. Make it possible for us to stick with you.

Aaron said...

Nooooo don't leave meeee.

J I really like ur blog and ur writing and all that. I highly doubt you've made enemies. Sure, some people won't like the blog but it's impossible to please everyone. As for attracting readers, haha well I understand that frustration but unfortunately I don't have much advice to give.

I'm also wondering how james knows ur taking a hiatus if he stopped reading.

James said...

Someone else who reads the blog who I talk with on IM informed me of the post.

Anonymous said...

I'm really sorry you're leaving. I love your blog. Honestly. I was going to start one myself, but you basically did it for me. In your first entry you made a reference to As Good As It Gets, and I was hooked. We share the same wit and sarcasm, and I thought what you had to say was not only well worded and entertaining, but true food for thought. I'm still very closeted and trying to figure it all out, and these types of blogs really help. I understand though; I wouldn't be able to handle the nastiness either. I am by no means thick skinned. Consider this: doing things that are hard and challenging are always, always worth it in the end. Peace.

Aek said...

I think you offended Steevo pretty bad. In any case, I will miss your blog. To be totally honest, sometimes it's hard to tell if you're being sarcastic or just biting. Sometimes the wording can make a world of difference.

I do hope you come back to blogging soon. You know I'll be here (as well others) to support you. Don't be shy on IM in the mean time.

SG said...

If you stop writing you will be the retard.

What a bore that steevo guy.