Wednesday, August 6, 2008

The Glass Slipper

Last night daddy told mommy in secrecy that he thinks I am spoiled. First thing this morning, mommy tells me. I don't know why he thought it wouldn't get back to me. Mommy is basically a Gossip Girl and the dynamic of my family is that of a group of middle schoolers anyway. Next thing you know, we're going to be fighting over the same guy and going out to see The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.

But back to the point, I find it ridiculous that daddy thinks I'm spoiled. All my life, I have never asked him for anything. This is mostly because I know he'll say no, but it's also because I've grown up under the impression that if I want something, I should either get it myself or keep it to myself. So I'm basically Cinderella, relegated to doing menial household chores all day, waiting for my Prince to come along and buy me an HP special edition laptop in ceramic white.

And like Cinderella, I have Sister. And she is not evil, but she does have big feet and I think this is all very ironic because if anybody is spoiled, it's her. But daddy can't recognize that because
daddy loves Sister more than he loves me and he always will. After struggling with it for a while, I think I've come to terms with the fact that she is daddy's favorite. But what still bothers me is the reason why she is the favorite. Because she went to _________ University. A school that people back home in Taiwan recognize. A school that daddy's friends find very impressive. A school shrouded in strange mystical powers. A school that U.S. News & World Report believes is better than mine.

There are so many things that I have done and can do. But none of that matters because daddy has made up his mind about me. I don't make him proud so I might as well not exist. I get the impression that mommy sometimes feels the need to defend daddy and his dismissive nature. She tells me how much he loves me and this is true because, "he paid for your violin lessons didn't he?" Well, I may not have ever been loved by somebody, but I've got a good idea what it's like. When you're loved, you should feel it. And when I'm with daddy, I don't feel anything.

It would take an idiot not to anticipate all the people who will try to chime in and say, "You should give him a chance", "He cares about more than just __________ University", and "I'm sure he loves you deep down." You are all wrong. Nobody knows my father better than I do. Granted, maybe I am wrong for being just as dismissive as he is and painting him as some sort of evil stepfather. But if the shoe fits...

The other night, we went out to dinner as part of a month long celebration of Sister's graduation from __________ University. Halfway through the dinner, daddy turned to Sister and said, "You have brought so much happiness to me." Then he looked at me, but didn't have anything to say.


Aek said...

Perhaps he just doesn't know how to show his love for his son? A lot of dads are like that. Perhaps you're being as hard on him as you are on yourself . . .

In any case, ::hug::

David said...

still waiting for that white HP laptop huh? i'm workin' on it, sweetie :P

did your sister go to some ivy league or stanford or something? the US news and world report of colleges can be biased.

don't worry about your dad. for now, he's still supporting you right? the emotional aspect might be gone, but at least he still cares enough to provide a roof over your head.

not gonna lie, the last part was kind of a shocker

steevo said...

Well he damn well should know how to show his love. WTF, really. This is 2008 FFS.

That must hurt a lot and I have no idea what it would be like. I'm lucky in the dad department.

Is it cultural, dads not showing affection for sons? Asian? Old school?

Any Asian guys care to comment? For once this white boi is waaay outta his league.

Does he suspect or know you are gay?

Wish I could snap my fingers 3 times and fix it.


steevo in cali