And because it's only fair to tell you guys about the goings on at work, that is what I will do. Today, Marat Safin touched my hand. I won't tell you the context, but just know that it happened. Fabio Fognini, a little-known Italian tennis player, flashed the strap of his red Calvin Klein jock during a changeover. And that was also a great moment for me.
Furthermore, I have good news and bad news about possibly-gay-underage-boy. First the good news. We were all sitting peacefully in the stadium when suddenly, Donna Summers's Last Dance comes on. This is when PGUB starts shaking his butt and singing along (how cute!). But seriously, how did he know the lyrics to that song? Because Last Dance is pretty much the gayest song I have ever heard in my entire life. So for the moment, that convinced me that PGUB and I had a future together. Now for the bad news. Later on, we were all watching the women's gymnastics final together when I think I heard PGUB say Nastia Liukin was hot. It was kind of like a Paris Hilton type, "omg that's hot," which is still kind of gay. But it was enough to plant a seed of suspicion in my mind. God I hope PGUB isn't reading this. It would be so embarrassing if he knew that I watch his every move in this borderline psychotic manner. But in case you are reading PGUB, none of this is about you and just pretend this entire paragraph doesn't exist.
Figure 1: Fabio Fognini
Next order of business. Michael Phelps won his 11th gold medal today and I couldn't care less. I am sick of staring at his retarded looking monkey face while everyone talks about his record breaking adventures. The fact that he gets all these medals does not really impress me because there are a ridiculous number of swimming events (17, actually) so he's bound to get a lot of medals. Even the very best soccer team, baseball team, basketball team, tennis player will only get one medal, no matter what. Furthermore, I've always found swimming to be one of the easiest sports in the Olympics. You jump in the pool, splash around for 58 seconds, and then you get a gold medal. Not anything like gymnastics, where you have to spend the whole night flipping and tumbling and twisting and jumping. So long story short, the fact that Phelps has all these medals does not make him the greatest Olympian of all time. And has everyone forgotten his arrest for underage DUI? I can't wait for him to fade back into obscurity, which will inevitably happen one week after the games are over.