Hello? Hey Tranny! (It's Tranny)

On Halloween, it is a hot tranny mess up in here. I am a cowboy. My jeans are so tight, I can barely walk without crushing my balls. My belt buckle is so big, I can barely bend over without severing my liver. My boots are so stiff, I can barely run from the police. It's a cute tranny, hot mess, tranny, tranny, fierce, no way, no, fierce, no, hot mess. But I will do anything for a little bit of attention.

Meanwhile, my attention is focused on the boys dressed up as Adam (- Eve), or robed ancient Romans, or Tarzan, or basically anything that gives me a glimpse of their Pecs (+ Nipples). But it's almost torture considering I can't hide anything in these jeans.

And the entire spectacle is a tickety tack tranny hot mess out of control super tranny from Transylvania who is not apologizing for it. But that's what Halloween means to me.


And the next day, I get into a 21+ club with the expired ID of 28-year old California native who is 5 inches shorter than me and 25 pounds lighter. And inside the club, I divide all the men into two subgroups.

1) Those who I am better than. Because they are desperately searching for girls to dance with them, only to get rejected over and over and over. I, on the other hand, am completely uninterested in the girls. Nobody can reject me. I have immunity.

2) Those who are better than me. Because they've gotten the girls and they have proceeded to rub their crotches all over them. Freshmen boys surround them and stare in awe. They treat women like pieces of meat as I watch and yearn to be treated like a piece of meat myself. New goal in life, grind my ass against a hungry boy's crotch as he stares down at me with animal eyes and an open mouth as if he's about to bust a nut right then and there. You gotta aim for the stars people.

And during the course of the night, 3 of my friends pretend I am their boyfriend to get out of dancing with guys. "Flex your arms! Make him go away!" They cling to me the entire night and it gives me intense satisfaction knowing that a little ole' gay boy like me can get the girls that the straight boys could not. They stare at me with intense jealousy. I like that.

At the same time, 2 of my not-friends get approached by guy after guy. And each time, they get this look on their face like, "OH MY GOD, I can't believe this is happening to me! EW!" But really, they are thinking, "Oh thank god this creeper is dancing with me. At least I am attractive to somebody. I will pretend to be disgusted so people don't think I am a slut. I hope he grabs my boobs."

And the night ends at 3:00 for me. And I am out.