Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Hypothetical Situation #1

I walk into my boyfriend's building only to see him talking to a guy in the lounge. This scene makes me moody and I walk away, pretending that it wasn't him I was looking for. Go away, I want to hang out with the trashy ho on the 3rd floor who likes the same music as I do.

He knows me too well so he is aware of what is going on. He pulls me into his room and asks me why I am overreacting. Mistake number one. Don't tell me I'm overreacting unless you want your face to lose its current shape.

He tells me that he only sees that guy as a friend and that I'm being ridiculous. Mistake number two.

I personally cannot understand how a gay guy can see another boy as purely a friend. When I meet guys, I immediately classify them into two categories. Those who I like, and those who I don't. The poor boys in the latter group immediately become irrelevant to me and I want nothing to do with them. The boys in the first group become my "friends." I want to hang out with them "platonically" because we get along and we have things in common and we have fun together. But all this inevitably leads to sexual attraction. How hard is it for a gay guy to find somebody that has a great personality and a penis? Very. So can you honestly say that you've ever had a great guy friend that you didn't wonder what their naked body looked like. No. And don't fucking call me ridiculous.

So I tell him that he can wonder about that guy's penis all he wants. See if I care. And he says, "Huh?" And the way he says it is so cute that I forget about how mad I am. I stand on my toes to give him a kiss on the forehead and ask him how his day was. And he is thinking to himself, "My boyfriend is fucking insane," but he tells me that his day went fine and that he met a new guy friend who wants to go see a movie with him. Mistake number three.

7 comments:

Shane said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Doug said...

I love how thought out this hypothetical situation is. :)

But I guess I agree with you with the two categories, even though I had never thought about it that way.

Stephen said...

I think you'll find that by the time you are uncloseted enough to have an open and honest relationship with a boy, your categories will be a little blurrier.

Jon said...

Or perhaps over time you will indeed become friends with men. Just the ones who fall into the "not interested in" column. Keeping attractive gay men around "as friends" with any regularity is a difficult prospect.

Oldyeller said...

I must admit I'm having a little trouble following the ups & downs of your personal life. Perhaps you should make up names for the various boys you talk about. For instance, is this boyfriend the same guy you said a week ago or so that you are having daily sex with but he's completely uninterested in you (won't kiss you) or should we not put much stock in the facts in your posts and just concentrate on your entertaining musings?

dickophile said...

are you really so lonely you've been reduced to creating hypothetical boyfriends? or do you really have a boy but the situation itself is hypothetical? oh well. as long as you arent thinking about that other guy.

Anna said...

how cute