Monday, June 29, 2009

Me Seeking Men

Once in a while, I like to go on craigslist just to see what the dregs of society are up to. Also, lately I've been really desperate to find somebody to make out with. Dreg or not. Seriously. Dreg or not.

As with any forum for man-on-man action, the men can be easily categorized into several groups. First, there are the people with no pictures. These people are ugly. There are the people who use fake pictures of hot guys that obviously are not them. These people really want to lure you into their dark apartments so that they can stab you nine times. There are the people that only show their penis or butt. These people have faces that look worse than a penis or butt.

Then there are the hot guys. These hot guys are always straight-acting muscle-jocks that don't like fat people and minorities. Such is life.

Lastly, there are the picky guys. These guys have a preference for every single facet of your appearance and personality. Which is ironic because these guys are usually horribe little trolls.

Generally there is no creativity, no surprises, no hope on craiglist. However, three profiles did catch my eye. Here they are. Don't sue me either if this is you. My comments in red.

no time for games.
(which explains why you aren't on inklink right now)
bored as hell.
6'4", 190, brn, brn, athletic (fuck. me.)
GOTTA BE.......white (this makes me mad, but I would say the same), discreet, good shape (ugh), laid back, gf/wife extra points (should i bring her along...)

(pant, pant, pant)

Looking for strictly a massage trade maybe with a happy ending too (STRICTLY...but maybe...). I'm 21, five ten, one seventy eight, athletic (fuck. me.), laid back and your average guy's guy (huh?). Looking for a normal guy (as opposed to a guy's guy) who's in decent shape (it's not too much fun to massage fat rolls) (you're a bitch), under 40, and interested in massage and good with his hands. Be pretty close by. Include a pic with your reply. Let me know, looking late here too.

(your chin and thumbs are so sexy)

You: 18-late-20s, Caucasian or Latino (I have friends of other races, but I'm not sexually attracted to them. Sorry, nothing
personal) (it is very admirable that you can find it in your heart to be friends with ugly minorities). I'd prefer you to be smooth/slightly hairy and height/weight proportionate (I don't need a body-builder, just someone in decent shape). Finally, I hope I'm not being too picky (wow, too late), but I prefer cut guys over uncut guys.


Anonymous said...

which one is on his way over to your place? 8-)

Aek said...

Guy #3 is quite picky. And I'm mildly offended by his very last line. And no pic? I hope you didn't even consider him! :P

David said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
David said...

this is why i read your blog.

the first one's hot.

Anonymous said...

oh dccised. i guess you were too drunk that one night to remember your promise to write about me in one of your blogs :[ lol

mstpbound said...

yahahah #1 IS hot. you should totally message him.

DC Guy said...

Hey, just found your blog through another. You're very funny. I have to disagree with you on one point though. Yes, it may be somewhat pathetic to post on craigslist. Coming from someone who has, and is of the "only posts body parts" category (although torso as well as penis and ass), it's not always because we have ugly faces. I'm very much in the closet still, and I just don't want to post my face for all to see. I'll send it to inquiring parties after I've chatted it up with them for a bit (a couple emails). You could probably go on and on about closeted guys, and it may be valid, but many of us use CL as we figure ourselves out and don't want to expose our identities.
Anyway, I can't wait to read more. SOrry that my blog doesn't offer too much, it's kind of on hiatus.