One Time, On Manhunt

There are some words that you should never begin a story with.

One time, on manhunt, there was this guy. We will call him dcrunner103, because I have no obligation to protect the identity of idiots.

So dcrunner103 sends me the following message:

"hey man, hit me up on a messenger and we can talk. I'm at ___ on aim, ___ on yahoo.

later"

First, I am excited because he starts the conversation with "hey man, hit me up...". And if this isn't a hetero-acting, football-loving, dick-swinging, white boy, I don't really know anything anymore.

Second, I am excited because he suggests that we talk. This means that he loves my profile/personality and wants to know more about me. And once we share our feelings, aspirations, and food allergies, he will tell me that I am his soul mate.

Third, from what I could derive from his 1-centimeter big picture, he had abs.

But.

When I message him, he says, "who is this? lol"

So after I assured myself I wasn't talking to a 12 year old boy, I reminded him who I was and showed him the message he sent me.

"Haha, well that was a long time ago."

Yeah. Like 20 minutes.

And then he immediately asked me, "So what are you looking for?"

I gently reminded him that my profile says I am looking for a husband, trying to be funny and cute.

"Dude i read a lot of profiles, i dont have it open anymore"

And at this point, I am trying to grapple with the idea that this "dude" messaged me wanting to "talk" but didn't bother to remember who I was or anything about me. So I wondered for a while if he was one of the automated computer people or just retarded.

And then I realized he was just like every other guy on manhunt. And I gave up on him. And everyone else.