Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Marketing Is Gay

In BMGT451, there is a brief section in one chapter about marketing strategies for attracting gay people. Note, this is for attracting gay people and not for attractive gay people. And though these nuances turn me off initially, and though I am really only interested in attracting attractive gay people, the ensuing class discussion is somewhat exhilarating and it makes me feel alive again.

First of all, I love being in a small classroom when a professor brings up anything gay. Because all the people that are chatting and texting suddenly stop. Everyone gets a sullen look on their face like somebody they knew but didn't love has died. And they all pay as much attention as they can to something they don't care about but not as much attention as they would pay to an episode of The Hills. And this is all because nobody wants to be "the jerk" that hates on "the gays" in public. Though inwardly, most of these people know that they are the jerks that hate in the privacy of their own homes. Dorms.

And it's also fun because I feel like a gay spy, infiltrating a secret meeting for straight people to discuss our strange behavior. I take notes on all their strategies to overcome us and sell us things we don't need like his & her towels and marriage license frames. I will take these notes to Dustin Lance Black and he will try to make a movie out of it if he can stop having trashy yet well-documented sex.

So the professor says:

"It seems as though gay people respond positively to ads aimed explicitly towards heterosexuals but heterosexuals respond negatively to ads specifically for gays."

Excuse me, we prefer to be called sexually challenged.

"Gay people do not take offense when an advertisement features a heterosexual couple but heterosexual people are turned off by advertisements featuring a gay couple."

I don't know about you, but ads featuring straight people make me want to vomit off the Empire State Building and watch as it kills somebody on the sidewalk. And the only gay people that don't vom at the sight of hetero happiness are too busy focusing on the shirtless man in the ads to even notice that there is a woman present.

The discussion ended shortly thereafter because the business school prefers not to hide, nor to flaunt gays. And when addressing gays, it's important not to dwell because gays are a niche market that nobody but Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia wants to tap anyway. So these brief sessions end up being meaningless. The hungover white boys learn nothing about tolerance and the importance of tight-fitting jeans. The materialistic girls still mistakenly think that gays are nothing more than shopping buddies and that they themselves look good in black tights.

But at the same time, their shallow understanding is a blessing because they fail to crack any of the codes and learn any of the secrets of gay people. And even though today's college kids are well aware that gay people exist in the world, they will never truly understand them. us. me.

9 comments:

alex said...

brilliant

David said...

loveesss ittt XD

Doug said...

you are such an interesting writer. loved the post.

champagnesocialist said...

This is why I want to take a Queer Studies class..I wanna see what "the rest" think

TED said...

So you fantasize about Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia tapping you? You are one kinky bastard.

Jeve (aka John and Steve) said...

nice post! love the line about being too busy checking out the shirtless man to notice the woman. so true.

-john

ps- thx for the comment. glad you're a fan of Serena.

Mike said...

I don't understand this statement "I feel like a gay spy, infiltrating a secret meeting"...are your classmates all blind? :)

also, what r u doing taking a marketing course? i thought all your classes revolved around building blocks and legos.

Straight guy from NYC said...

I feel like a spy for the straight guys reading the blog of a gay man so I can give them tips on who's gay and who's not.

My wife says that I too am going to become gay by reading this blog, but I can't help it. It is so funny and great.

Now she's hooked up too. We can't wait for the next entry.

Anonymous said...

I used to see gay people in the same way i saw aliens ... like really really strange. i couldnt help it! until i met a gay friend