Saturday, September 12, 2009

One Time, On Manhunt

There are some words that you should never begin a story with.

One time, on manhunt, there was this guy. We will call him dcrunner103, because I have no obligation to protect the identity of idiots.

So dcrunner103 sends me the following message:

"hey man, hit me up on a messenger and we can talk. I'm at ___ on aim, ___ on yahoo.

later"

First, I am excited because he starts the conversation with "hey man, hit me up...". And if this isn't a hetero-acting, football-loving, dick-swinging, white boy, I don't really know anything anymore.

Second, I am excited because he suggests that we talk. This means that he loves my profile/personality and wants to know more about me. And once we share our feelings, aspirations, and food allergies, he will tell me that I am his soul mate.

Third, from what I could derive from his 1-centimeter big picture, he had abs.

But.

When I message him, he says, "who is this? lol"

So after I assured myself I wasn't talking to a 12 year old boy, I reminded him who I was and showed him the message he sent me.

"Haha, well that was a long time ago."

Yeah. Like 20 minutes.

And then he immediately asked me, "So what are you looking for?"

I gently reminded him that my profile says I am looking for a husband, trying to be funny and cute.

"Dude i read a lot of profiles, i dont have it open anymore"

And at this point, I am trying to grapple with the idea that this "dude" messaged me wanting to "talk" but didn't bother to remember who I was or anything about me. So I wondered for a while if he was one of the automated computer people or just retarded.

And then I realized he was just like every other guy on manhunt. And I gave up on him. And everyone else.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

omg i know him, don't worry. you're bettter off.

Aek said...

Well, that sucks. He's probably not worth it either though.

dave peterson said...

I love your blog so much I check it 5 times a day to see if you have posted anything.

Caligula Sanchez said...

I think some of the best(worst?) stories begin with"

One time on Manhunt

One time on ecstasy

One time in Tijuana

One time at Splash

One time at Church

TED said...

I'm confused by your search for a husband. Do you mean that you're looking for your (future, presumably) husband? Otherwise, if you're just looking for a husband, I know a lot of guys I could introduce you to. I just hope you don't want anything unrealistic, like to know their real names.

j said...

TED: real names are overrated. hook me up.

Tim said...

Ohh, I know this all too well.

It kinda blows when that happens ... and not in the good way.

Clearly.

Best of luck.

Guy from NYC said...

I love your blog and now I am hooked to it.