Thursday, January 8, 2009

You Have Killed Me, Morrissey

Portfolio Requirements

2) An exterior two-point perspective view of a significant work of architecture. This drawing is required to be made from life or on site. Pencil, shade and shadow with line weight.

I decide to draw the DC Convention center because there are no curves and I fucking hate drawing curves.

Nonetheless, I feel as though this project will consume every last ounce of life in me. After I finish, I will collapse in a pathetic pile on the ground, leaving requirements 3 through 10 unfinished/unstarted. Hopefully though, the single 8x10in sketch will sell for millions at a Sotheby's or Christie's or Ebay auction. Mommy can spend my hard earned money on plastic surgery and daddy can spend my hard earned money on new floor to ceiling windows.

Next door at the National Portrait Gallery, there is an exhibit showing photographic portraits of a man named Morrissey. I look at that name and wonder why it sounds so familiar. Wait a minute, isn't that the middle-aged vegetarian British singer/kook that LP is obsessed with. Yes! Why yes it is!

I feel like phoning LP at that very moment.

Me "Omg guess what."

LP "I've overdosed and died and this is an out-of-body experience."

Me "...... No. They're showing Morrissey at the portrait gallery!"

LP "I haven't been filled with so much excitement since the LP scrapbook sold for 5 million pounds and paid for my complicated and expensive but necessary ribcage removal procedure."

Me "...... You should really come see it! I think I see the back of your head in one of the pictures!"

LP "I can't. I'm an Aussie now. I can never return to that world or be who I used to be."
Me "Oh. I forgot."

[Insert long, painful silence]
Me "I miss you."
LP "I have to go now, Aussie time and all. Goodbye"

And for those of you that are now convinced that I am some sort of insane and obsessive LP stalker that spends hours dreaming up hypothetical situations, you're wrong. My insane and obsessive hypothetical situation only took like, 10 minutes to dream up.


The Blackout Blog said...

Mommy can spend my hard earned money on plastic surgery and daddy can spend my hard earned money on new floor to ceiling windows.

Would they still make you finish college/med school. Or would they resent that you didn't?

And LOL @ the ribcage procedure. You two really do have an overlapping audience.

Med school + plastic surgery specialty = meet LP?

Doug said...

Awww... I miss LondonPreppy too :(

dickophile said...

we're so much alike. i too have lp based fantasies. except in mine hes still in london. and im with him. and all is right with the world.

David said...

good luck with the rest!

lol lp creeper :D
love it.

Less Confused said...

I think the D.C. building is beautiful and would make for a great representation of your graphic abilities when it's done, I'm sure it will be awesome!

It almost makes me miss architecture school.......almost. It was 4 of the most intense years of my life, but it was also the most rewarding, but you don't realize it until you're done.

Good luck!

Random Thinker said...

geez, why'd ya pick the DC Convention center. I would've suggested the Washington Monument. A lot easier!

Oldyeller said...

Loved the "ribcage procedure" reference too; obscure but spot on.

Joshua said...

Haha priceless. By the way that building is awesome and you'll do a kickass job at it anyways, so why worry?

Haha you're funny :D

Anna said...

oh yeah LPs in sydney - i dont think ive seen him yet

Doug said...

Hmm.. blogger says you had a new post, but it's not here. :( guess you deleted it....

David said...

ditto what doug said.. yeah whatsup? repost it? :D

Dan said...

How fitting is it that I'm listening to The Smiths as I read this post?

Has anyone ever mentioned that it's kinda weird that you call your parents mommy and daddy? Maybe it's just me but that sounds funny.