Sunday, January 11, 2009

Watercolor Penis

Five of the ten pieces in my portfolio can be anything I choose. I feel like this is a mistake on the architecture department's part. People are going to submit weird and altogether ugly things like oil paintings of their dogs and watercolors of their penises. This is also a disadvantage on my part because I am one of those people that, if given no direction, will wander aimlessly forever. So that is what I'm doing.

I've decided that for one or two of these pieces, I'm going to do a Chinese watercolor. I haven't really done one in about five years but in my heyday, I was pretty famous for my shrimp paintings (lolz right?). Anyway, in order to remember how to do any of this, I have to pay my old art teacher a visit. And to do that, I have to return to Chinese school.

Figure 1: I did not draw this.

Upon hearing that I will be making a cameo appearance at the Chinese community's gossip mecca, mommy is sent into a frenzy.
"If somebody asks, lie and pretend you are happy."
And when I get there, mommy furiously tries to set me up with every singe Chinese girl. But that is a story for another time.

Figure 2: I did not draw this.


Anonymous said...

What if you had said "But mommy I am happy!", would she had believed you?

inebriated said...

what are you going to school for again?

Joshua said...

You should TOTALLY do that--submit weird ugly things!

God I hated Chinese school--I learned up to grade 3 (out of 12) and stopped because all I knew how to write was "me" and "one".

Anyways, at least you know how to draw--my drawing ability goes to the extent of stick man art, and even that's difficult for me. I always end up missing a leg or something (the sad part is I'm being completely serious).

.Gash said...

Those are very nice drawings that you did not draw.

Anonymous said...

If you do a watercolor of your penis, make sure you also give them a magnifying glass.

David said...

lol shrimp paintings! keeping it true to the culture. nice! :D

mommy trying to set you up with every single chinese girl? hmm... what if you said something like "thanks to you pressuring me to date every single asian girl out there, i'm gay."

anonymous said: "If you do a watercolor of your penis, make sure you also give them a magnifying glass." lol wtf? are you so insecure about your own manhood that you have to insult others? oh and btw, not all asians are "small".

Jeff said...

haha what was so bad about chinese school? i always wanted to go, but my parents thought it was a waste of time...

dickophile said...

"If somebody asks, lie and pretend you are happy."

this is the funniest thing ever. this is your greatest post ever. you have officially become the it blogger of 2009! to me anyway. to other people im sure im the it blogger of, well, infinity. so can we see your watercolor penis? cause that title is such a tease and now im expecting a pay off.

Oldyeller said...

Yesterday's (1/12) Washington Post Express had a quote from a blogger on its "Blog Log" regarding an Obama sighting at a local restaurant--the blogger was identified as "DCist" and I thought it was you at first, but then I realized that the Post isn't likely to quote from a blog whose posts have headings like "Watercolor Penis".

NatureJockk said...

I know it is off topic of the post,

Pushing Daisies is being cancelled after this season.

What a terrible tragedy.

j said...

inebriated: why did you ask sean and me the exact same question

dickophile: are you high

oldyeller: i read that same article and thought it was me too

naturejockk: you're picking at old wounds here

dickophile said...

high on life j. high on life.