Sunday, July 20, 2008


So I spend my Saturday evening in the park. And it is the perfect Saturday evening in the park. The tennis courts are absolutely empty, which I love because I hate to share. I look over to my left and a gorgeous boy has decided that today is the perfect day to play soccer with his girlfriend in the field in the park in the summer. This makes me somewhat jealous. I want to play soccer with my boyfriend in the field in the park in the summer in the buff. But at least I get to admire his nice legs.

The perfect scene is ruined though when a group of early twenty-somethings decide to set up their drunken picnic right in the middle of my park. They are loud, and they are obnoxious, and they shout random curses at the tots playing in the adjacent jungle gym, and they are ugly. The last straw though, is when I hear one of the boys whispering, "This guy sucks..." about me. Little does he know, I have superhuman hearing. He is also oblivious to me giving him the finger. Too much of a self-absorbed dolt, I suppose.

The rest of my evening is ruined because insults from complete strangers are the worst kind. I am genuinely offended by his need to insult me to make himself seem better in front of his fat girlfriend. I can no longer concentrate on anything. I am only thinking about exacting my revenge on him by keying his car. I had half a mind to go pick a fight with this guy and break his knees in several places. But the other half was wondering if I could also take on all of his friends who would surely come to his defense. So instead, I have an argument with him in my head where I challenge the size of his penis.

Doesn't matter. They left soon thereafter, stumbling drunkenly into their cars and driving recklessly away. If there is any justice in the world, they crashed their cars into some poor unsuspecting telephone poles and sustained minor disfiguring injuries to their faces. And by wishing that onto them, the cycle of bad karma continues.


dpstam said...

i hate assholes like that. you shoulda keyed his car :D

Aek said...

Oh man, super-hearing. I have something like that . . . must come from years of playing a stringed instrument. My ears are attuned. :P

Jerks are jerks. Wishing them bad luck unfortunately doesn't work very well (I know, I've tried).

steevo said...

As my sweet ol' grandpa used to say, it's the automobile era, [he was pretty old-lol], but parts of the horse are still with us. I don't remember him much, i was a little boy when he died. Maybe my first funeral. I was a pallbearer but all my high school and college age cousins did the carrying of the coffin. They told me not to worry, all I had to do was keep my hand on the handle if I could.

David was right. I woulda keyed his car 4sure

steevo in cali