Monday, July 14, 2008

A Good Man is Hard to Find

So it is a Sunday night and hence the perfect time to lay in bed and ponder about what my perfect guy would be like. And I determine that he has tousled brown hair, an effortless smile, and very large arms. More importantly, I decide that he enjoys chopping wood in the backyard, watches football while I protest that Sex and the City is on, and has a secret obsession with N*Sync that he made me promise I would never tell. But ultimately, I come to the conclusion that I have so many flaws, my perfect guy would never want to be with me. Perhaps, because of his charitable nature, he could find it in his heart to love me. But even then, I imagine that it would be in spite of everything wrong with me, and that's not the kind of love I want. I want somebody to love every single thing about me completely and fully. I want him to love me more because of my silly looking ears, extreme emotional issues, and the embarrassing way I sing in the car. But when I hate so many parts of myself so much, finding somebody who could love me seems damn near impossible.

There are so many things I feel like I deserve. Why isn't the perfect guy one of them?

Figure 1: The Perfect Guy

FYI - I made a screen name (dccised) for those of you who would like to talk to me. Actually, I won't even pretend I made it because you want to talk to me. I made it because I desperately want to talk to you. But alas, I am a little too shy, not to mention awkward at starting conversations (two more flaws), so please take the initiative.


Aek said...

Awww, it's okay. We're all flawed in our own ways.

Initiative taken. Awkwardness hopefully overcome. :P

Anonymous said...

i've added u, dnttalkboutit. i'll talk ur ear off.

as a gay guy, i think many if not most of us spend our entire lives learning to hate ourselves. when we come out, there's a lot of that to be undone.

i've got a tummy, large cheeks, depression, and a tendency to stick my foot in my mouth. now i'm learning to love those things in me, every last one of them i've convinced myself were bad. my tummy is jolly, my cheeks make more to kiss, my depression means i feel things, and my social awkwardness always makes for good laughs later.

as you grow, i hope you learn to love those things about yourself. when you do that, other guys will see it, they'll also want to love them. but, it's gotta start with you; i know that's hard.

-elNinjaDiablo- said...


Thanks for the comment.

I've browsed a couple of your entries - I'm glad you believe in writing long like we (-d- and me) do!


Andrew said...

Hey, I found someone to love me, so I'm sure you can find someone to love you! I'm arrogant, narcissistic (you should appreciate the spelling on that), very opinionated, I drink like a fish, and I always have to be right. But I found someone I don't mind occasionally admitting I'm wrong to, that I feel ok being humble and vulnerable with, that appreciates my OCD attention to detail, and loves everything about me. He makes me a better person and if I can find someone like that, so can you. It also helps that my guy looks a little like "Figure 1".

Maybe you should try focusing on the things you LIKE about yourself and see if you can find someone who appreciates those things. You are an amazing writer, after all.


Gemini's Life said...

Is this an AIM address? I added it to my buddy list, but you are never on, and I desperately wish to talk to you!!!