Monday, December 8, 2008

Archuleta, A Love Professed

I really wanted to hate him. I really did. But I just can't. I'm not strong enough. I'm in love with him.

I love you, David Archuleta.

He is the cutest little mouse that American Idol has ever seen. If there were a competition for mouse-y looking boys, him and Josh Groban and Haley Joel Osment (circa 1999) and Mccauley Culkin (to this day) would all be contestants. This show would be called America's Next Top Mouse. And David Archuleta would win because he is the cutest little mouse that America, no, this world has ever seen.

Figure 1: David Archuleta. Notice the face that has been photoshop-ed to oblivion. Also note conspicuous nipples.

Figure 2: Please serenade me with your silky voice and then rub your hairless face on my hairless chest.

And this obsession with him is justified because me and him being together forever isn't a very ridiculous idea. Move aside pre-pubescent girls, you had no chance anyway. David Archuleta is gayer than Christmas.
Ryan Seacrest banged David Archuleta. Helen Keller can tell that David Archuleta is gay. David Archuleta poos rainbows. David Archuleta goes to the gym. And that explains why he made it all the way to the finals, just like Justin Guarini, Clay Aiken, and Blake Lewis did. Which only goes to show that Americans really do love gays. As long as they lose in the end.


Charles said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Random Thinker said...

you like munchkins, don't ya!

dickophile said...

losing in the end isnt so bad as long as you still get to take it up the rear end, right? oh and i think you've just coined a new gay term! congrats. so does zac efron fall into the mouse category? i think he does but im not sure. its such a new term that i dont know yet what the parameters are. please explain.

David said...

he's also mormon right?


still, amazing voice and very cute.

Mr. HCI said...

He's just absolutely adorable. We loved watching him every week on AI. He made both of us wish we could go back to that age and be his boyfriend. I'd be shocked if he likes girls; boys that cute and sweet have no right to be straight.


I feel like a dirty old man posting this but I don't wanna see him naked or have sex with him; I just want him to meet a nice boy and be happy.

And he was far-and-away the best singer last season. I was shocked David Cook won. He gave me the creeps.

Doug said...

I was shocked when David Cook won too. I was SOOO sure that David Archuleta wass going to win. Guess those teeny boppy girls screaming for him each week didn't have a phone to call to vote.

PLEASE watch this, LOL!: