Daddy: I know you have a girlfriend and I know that she is Indian.
Daddy: You brought home leftover curry last night. An Indian girl must have made it for you.
Actually Dad, it was Thai curry. So if anything, the stupid slut is from Thailand.
Mommy: Don't come home one day and tell me your girlfriend is pregnant.
Me: That would take a miracle.
Mommy: Do I need to buy you a box of condoms?
Me: Aaaaaaaalready have some.
I don't know how many more awkward conversations I can take. Whenever I go out, they joke about me going to see my girlfriend, which annoys me to no end. How dare anybody insinuate that I like girls? Sometimes, I want to turn around and say, "Actually, I am going to suck my boyfriend's giant penis. And then we are going to watch Up In The Air." But I keep it all in. I suppose this is the price I pay for, uhm, what is the word for the opposite of estrangement?
I can't put this off forever though. True, I could hump men all day and all night without my parents figuring anything out. But when it comes time for me to settle down, get married to a beautiful, tall, white man, and adopt a Vietnamese orphan girl, I can't exactly do it with my parents in the dark. And although I previously wrote it off as a narcissistic white boy's game, there is something unsettling about never telling your parents who you really are before they die.
So I guess one day, when the political climate is right, I will have to just do it. I would definitely come out to mommy first because she is the more sympathetic of the two and she just gets it. [It being fashion.] The problem is, I have trouble gauging what her reaction will be. Sometimes I purposefully expose her to gay things and observe her behavior.
Like one time I turned on CNN and there was a story about a man who was outed in Iran and then stoned to death on the street.
Mommy said, "That is ridiculous why would they do that?"
And then one time we watched Brothers & Sisters on a plane together and the two gay guys started making out.
Mommy thought that was major lolz.
So from what I can gather, her reaction will be somewhere between not taking me seriously and bludgeoning me to death with medium-sized stones.
Coming out can wait.
So I don't know what the point of this was.