What A Tangled Web We Weave

Referring to my friends by letter has become very cumbersome. Even I can't keep track of who they are anymore. And thus, I have created an elaborate system of naming.

Names will be composed of three parts as follows:
Height
Hair Color
Attribute

I've known Tall Blonde Alcoholic for about 6 years now. He was very quiet and reserved in high school but ever since college he has become a raging party animal. I harbor deep suspicions that he is gay. I don't think he's ever had a girlfriend. He never hits on girls. He worships Britney Spears. It doesn't say what he's "Interested In" on Facebook. And one time, when I was using his laptop, I saw that he was subscribed to a gay s&m website. I guess you could say that was the tipping point.

Anyway, I keep quiet about this knowledge because not everyone has the god given talent of gaydar and perhaps Tall Blonde Alcoholic wants to come out on his own terms. I can relate.

I have another friend, Avg Brown Quarter-Asian. She is in love with Tall Blonde Alcoholic even though he has never done anything to suggest he feels the same. She says she has moved on but she has not. When he gets drunk and passes out on the floor, she lies down next to him and pretends she has passed out too. When he's gone, she always complains there's nothing to do. She talks about all the things that he does that convinces her that maybe the love is reciprocated. "One time, after I got him a beer, he said he loved me." Yeah and one time, after I blew a guy, he said he loved me. And that didn't exactly pan out the way I planned either.

She is so in love that she can't see what's really going on. I can relate.


She has a few suspicions that he is gay also. (A seed that was probably planted by me.) I told her that she should give up on him. (Because subconsciously I want him for myself.) But she thinks there might be hope that he is straight because...

get this...

"Remember that one time he said he wanted to marry Lady Gaga?"

I can't argue with that.