Queer Fear

So this weekend I decide, against my better judgment, to hang out with some of my hall mates from my freshman year of college. They're all pretty nice guys but I can't say I'm great friends with any of them because they can be quite immature (and we all know what a paragon of maturity I am). Case in point, last semester they took my roommate's mattress/pillow and instead filled his bed with packing peanuts. They also drew penises all over his notebooks. Oh yeah and finally, they poured a bottle of laxatives into his milk. I wonder why they never targeted me for any of their pranks though. They were probably intimidated by my extremely masculine demeanor, prominent arm muscles, and the gun I kept in my drawer. Or maybe they hated me... Anyway, all of this is inconsequential because like I said, I decide to hang out with them against my better judgment.

So during the conversation that I was half-listening to, Friend A says to me out of the blue,

"Dude, I have this friend and he is gay."

And I go,

"Really? That is very progressive of you."

And he goes,

"No, he's really cool. I mean, as long as they don't hit on me, I don't have a problem with gay people."

And I chuckle to myself. Not out of nervousness, because I am used to these kinds of incredibly awkward conversations. But I think it's very funny that this guy is worried about men being attracted to him even though he is 80 pounds overweight and has back hair. Girls may find me repulsive, but men are clamoring for my attention!

So what I don't get is that if every straight man knows the difference between Kelly Ripa and Kelly Osbourne, why can't they realize that gay men are just as discerning? We too, can tell the difference between Chris O'Donnell and Chris Farley. Just because our attraction to men is "unfathomable", doesn't mean our taste in men is equally preposterous.

I admit that my argument has insofar been vain and superficial. I will be the first to tell you that it's not all about appearance (me being an ugly duckling myself). Ok, so maybe this guy is worried that a gay guy would fall in love with his golden heart and sterling personality. But upon second thought, that too seems unlikely.

I think a lot straight guys' fear of gay guys stems from their misconception that we would capitalize on any opportunity to jump up their ass. Well, it should come as a relief (and I suppose a slap in the face) that they needn't flatter themselves. We aren't interested.