Saturday, February 13, 2010

Panda Hat(er)

To commemorate Tai Shan's last day in DC, I wear my cute fuzzy panda hat to work. It was a doubly good day to wear it because it was very cold outside and my cute fuzzy panda hat keeps my head and ears quite warm.

The receptionist sees my hat and smiles.
______, the bitch, says, "I like your hat."
My supervisor sees it and laughs for the first time since 2003.
Visitor A says, "Can I try it on?!"

The day is a success. Not only am I paying tribute to Tai Shan, I have made countless people on the metro and at work smile. I have brought joy to the world.

The next day I receive a call from my supervisor, who is working remotely.

Her: Did anybody talk to you about your hat?
Me: _____ said it was cute.
Her: Oh, I probably shoudn't say anything then.

She continues.

Her: Somebody came to me saying the hat was not appropriate for the workplace and it conflicts with the image we are trying to portray.
Me: Who said this.
Her: I cannot tell you who said it.
Me: It was ____ from marketing wasn't it.
Her: I cannot tell you who said it.
Me: My life is over.
Her: I would not worry about this.
Me: If you need to reach me, I will have run myself through the paper shredder.

I was not trying to make a statement. All I wanted to do was pay homage to Tai Shan and wear something that was cute and fuzzy and warm. And now ____ from marketing has turned me into this frivolous sociopath trying to dismantle the company's meticulously polished brand image. Even worse, he has turned my cute fuzzy panda hat into a symbol of anarchy.

And before you wag your finger at me, take a moment to consider that I am not the one taking two hour lunch breaks to go to Georgetown Cupcake and renting a zipcar with the company card to take day trips to Philadelphia and New York City. But I am sorry. I am sorry for wanting to have fun and for being cute.

I never meant for my cute fuzzy panda hat to become an emblem of sweeping social change, but my cute fuzzy panda hat and I will show the world that cute fuzzy panda hats and professionalism belong side by side. When I show up next week, cute fuzzy panda hat and all, I will show the world that my cute fuzzy panda hat is the embodiment of corporate commitment to quality and integrity.

And ____ from marketing is just jealous that he isn't as cute as I am, anyway.


Anonymous said...

not just next week, I recommend every day for a month... augmented by fuzzy panda socks, fuzzy panda gloves, maybe a fuzzy panda mousepad at your desk (if you have a desk) ... make your workplace a fuzzy panda shrine ... if you get shitcanned at least you can sue for a hostile work environment

Anonymous said...

You sound so cute with your cute, fuzzy panda hat.

How do you know its ____ from marketing?

Doug said...

I'm just imagining you in your cute fuzzy panda hat and I'm liking it. How could anyone be against fuzzy panda hats??

Aek said...

Hehe, sounds like someone's jealous of your cute fuzzy panda hat. Don't pay him much attention, it seems to have gone over well with everyone else. And that says something there.

david said...

i feel like you need a picture of said fuzzy panda hat to accompany this post.

rabbit said...

Now I want a cute fuzzy panda hat of my own! And happy Valentine's Day.

Mike said...

wasn't the panda hat done already by andrew on the Real World DC? or did he start a trend in DC? I never would have though andrew was a trendsetter.

Oldyeller said...

But surely you just wore the Cute Fuzzy Panda Hat to work and then removed it? Sweet mother of God, please tell me you didn't wear it throughout the work day! Your once promising career cut short so soon.

Patrick said...

I would have shat a brick

Then beat ________ to death with it

Straight Guy from NYC said...

Well, if your office is the kind that offers funeral services, wearing a cute fuzzy panda hat was probably not the best idea.

Random Thinker said...

Wait! Were you just wearing the panda hat and nothing else? That would explain the reaction... and perhaps the laughing?

Mikey A said...

F#c& him. I go through this daily at work. Sorry I have style, bitches. What -- ?! You want me in f#c&ing pleated khakis??!!!?

The Illustrious D said...

I took my panda out
Strolled out paw in hand
Boy is that bear with you?
Yes he goes by Tai Shan

Now I believe in equality,
Just wanna eat bamboo in day light
But you can be my baby
It don't matter if you're black and white


Mike said...

I feel as if Tall Blonde Alcoholic, your job and school are taking a front seat to this blog!!!

Can Tall Blonde Alcoholic date someone else and you to take less credits next semester?

Amanda said...

:-o What a ****. Do not let the Panda Hat(er)s get you down. Your article/blog is funny and cute, as is your hat. Incidentally, I want one.