Monday, November 23, 2009

Levi Johnston Nude. London Preppy Semi-nude.

Every once in a while, I make a discovery on the internet that changes my life. A few weeks ago, I was on Google typing in all the familiar phrases into the search field: "london preppy nude", "celebrity penises", "zoloft common questions", "baby deer eaten by lions at national zoo."

Usually, these searches result in, nothing, disappointment, hopefulness, nostalgia (in that very particular order). But this time was different. This time I was met with nostalgia, hopefulness, something, and disappointment (in no particular order). This time, using a sophisticated methodology, I was able to finally find an uncensored picture of the man known as London Preppy. And after I found the one, I found like, ten more. And then, I found his name.

Caveat emptor, these pictures are in fact, not nude. Well, there is one picture where there is nothing between me and his pee other than a strangely shaped, tangerine colored hat (story of my life). But by uncensored, I mostly mean his eyes aren't covered with that annoying red rectangle that keeps us from peering into his soul. In fact, there is not one butt butt or pee pee to be found. Which is disappointing, but I especially like the one where he is wearing an unhemmed t-shirt and has dirt on his face because it makes it look like he was just attacked by some sort of large, brown bear.

I hope this entry doesn't make him mad if he ever finds out. Maybe he, along with Dr. Izzie Stevens and I, wishes/wish that his/our nude/semi-nude/semi-formal/semi-former modeling days were left in the past. And maybe he doesn't appreciate annoying-ugly-fat people digging these pictures up and plastering them on their walls and getting them imprinted on their bedsheets. And that is why I'm not going to post them, say where they were, or say his name. But I'm keeping the bedsheets.

But it is a shame he has to cover them, because they really are beautiful eyes.

He said in a terrifying, stalkerish way.

But I do not owe the same debt to Levi Johnston so here they are.

Figure 1: I like how in this one, they don't really show me anything, but his hair looks so curly and nice.

Figure 2: I like how in this one there is a miraculous white line going horizontally through the picture across his back.

Figure 3: I like this one.


Toby said...

I see you found his Big Muscle profile. He's a cute one, that LP.

Anonymous said...

hate to tell you this but its very easy to find LP photos on the net

(oh and the name you have found is not his real one -- easy to find that one too)

j said...

anon: you're him aren't you. only he would crush my dreams with such nonchalance.

Anonymous said...

I remember the day I found those pics too, ahhhhhh.

London Preppy said...

"Absolutely all regrets"

Boyd and Lloyd said...

I honestly didn't know that Levi was so ugly. He should've kept them clothes on.

- Boyd

Random Thinker said...

Not sure I get all the hype about Levi... he's a dud from Alaska that knocked up the rebellious daughter of the bitchy governor of Alaska. C'mon, and for a hockey player, he's not got a lot going for him.

The Illustrious D said...

Read the whole blog front to back in 6 hours. Sad? Probably. Awesome? You know it.

As for Levi, not amazing, but I'd still bang him out like metal siding.

Mike said...

Twitter "When he gently reminded me of our two week anniversary, I knew I finally found somebody who is as obsessive as I am!"

Tell the details, or at least a few of the particulars. Forget about the writer's block.

We're waiting......