Monday, April 13, 2009

Killed by Kindness

I'm not used to guys being nice to me. Not because they rarely are but because I don't really know how to react to it. A straight guy would just be like, "Hey! Thanks dude!" But when a guy is nice to me, I think it's rational to assume he is in love with me.

I went to Georgetown this Friday with Tall Blond Alcoholic and Average Brown-Quarter Asian. We went to Five Guys and I got a handful of peanuts to eat while we waited for our food. There was one peanut shell that I couldn't crack because I am a weak and helpless infant. So he took it and cracked it open for me in my hand. Then he started opening all of them for me into my hand.

While I was in his room Saturday night, he invited me to his house for Easter. He was drunk when he said it so I didn't take him seriously. Sunday morning, I got a text saying, "Will you be ready in 45 minutes?" I read it as, "Will you marry me in 45 minutes." I said yes.

Avg Brown Quarter Asian tagged along and clung onto him the entire time. When we got back, I asked him if he has feelings for her. He said no and looked really distraught about it. I told him that he shouldn't worry but he should let her know at some point. I'm hoping I didn't just say that for my own benefit because she is my friend too. He asked me if I had enough to eat.


If all this isn't a blatant profession of love, I don't know what is. At this point, I'm going to expect him to act like a boyfriend. I'm going to want him to ask me out on dates, cuddle with me while we watch Iron Chef together, make out with me wherever and whenever I want. When he doesn't do so, I will feel like he is trying to break my heart. He is ignoring me. He hates me. I am never speaking to him ever again.

Oh wait, here's a text from him. "Wanna get dinner?"
"Sure!" Let's also get married.

I know I'm being ridiculous. This is mostly a joke. You don't have to point that out to me.

6 comments:

b-ag said...

I fell in love with a straight guy friend of mine because he was nice to me. Plus he was cute and Spanish, so there were all kinds of signs that I interpreted as him liking me, but really that's the way Spanish guys are.

Jordan said...

dang dude. i read ur other post about tall blond alcoholic and he sounds pretty gay.

i don't know how close u r to him, but perhaps u could ask?

and yeah, i know what u mean about jumping to conclusions when a guy is nice to you. I do that a lot. It's probably y i fell so hard for my current crush. The smallest act of compassion makes me think he's in love with me... if only.

tho i think the difference between my case and urs is that ur guy sounds like he legit may be gay.

either way tho,
best wishes

jordo

David said...

aww someone's got a little crush going on :)

this is cute. hopefully things will go the way you want and you can live happily ever after ^_^

Vigilant said...

And here I thought you were immune to falling in love with a straight guy.

Oldyeller said...

Well, he passed the all-important peanut shell test--no doubt that he's a homo and in love with you to boot. Congrats! Of course, for your impending marriage to succeed you'll have to work on that pesky bottle-sucking problem of his, but true love will out.

ASSHOLE BOYFRIEND said...

Every time a straight boy is nice to me I ask him; "So do you want to fuck me," the answer is always; "I'm a waiter sir, I was just asking you if you wanted a drink."