Saturday, March 2, 2013

Is Dating Somebody Emotionally Half My Age Illegal?

The worst thing about being a millennial is dating millennials. We're selfish and indulgent. Engage any 20something in a conversation about dating and they will quickly prattle off a dozen things they think they deserve. Yes, I have my own foolish preconceptions about what I deserve. But at least I have the jaded wisdom to know I'm probably never going to get those things / I'm going to die alone in Arizona.

I had a moment of clarity a few weeks ago. I was sick with a cold and my boyfriend came over to take care of me. Somehow, the gay agenda shifted into me buying him raisins and crackers at CVS and making him soup while he was on the phone with his mother.

This is not to say that he has never done anything for me and I resent doing things for him. But I have always felt a tension, as if our "acts of love" weren't truly selfless and we always expected something in return. More than that, he expected the both of us to fulfill certain roles that he had carefully laid out. I was supposed to be the responsible, corporate boyfriend who paid for everything. He was supposed to be the free-spirited, sociable boyfriend that planned our weekend calendar. I never really felt comfortable playing those roles, and honestly, why does everybody think they are Jessa Johansson?

I've gone along with it because I want to make promises that make him happy and I want to keep those promises. But at some point, I'm running around the city doing things I don't want to do just so somebody doesn't get mad at me via passive aggressive texts. Maybe that's what love is. I don't know. 

The ultimate problem with millennials is that our sense of empowerment has devolved into a sense of entitlement. I give him everything I have and he thinks he deserves more. I ask him for something and he "doesn't feel like it." And he just lacks the self-awareness to recognize the hypocrisy.  I'm sure I'm missing my own hypocrisy somewhere in this post but the lasting impression is that neither of us have finished growing up and being together keeps us from doing just that. In fewer words: I'm too young to be taking care of somebody. And he is too old to need to be taken care of.


Hetero-Challenged said...

Still blogging amazing and amazingly accurate, succinct posts even without the angsty, life-sucks college posts I love reading those years ago... I loved this line:

"The ultimate problem with millennials is that our sense of empowerment has devolved into a sense of entitlement."

As a 20something gay liberal (and Asian I guess), I am both pissed and comforted that my desires can be so selfish and selfless.

In fewer words, you capture the zeitgeist.

Anonymous said...

Time to break up. I've been there. It never gets better and he'll never get it!

TED said...

So he sends passive-aggressive texts directly to you, and you anonymously take your grievances to the Internet.

Tell him what you want, and if he can't or won't provide it, break it off.

Anonymous said...

Dude you have a really shitty boyfriend. Dump his ass. He makes you pay for everything?? wtf. He is using you and you're is playing you like an instrument. Hopefully you dumped that guy.

James said...

You need to start writing again! i miss this blog !