Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Are You There Citigroup? It's Me, Margaret.

There's no better time to post when people start having conversations through their comments demanding it. I also have this new rule where I don't post something new until the last post receives at least NINE comments so really this is a perfect storm.

Normally I would be asleep by this hour but I am lying in bed, wide-eyed and worried that my life has not and will continue to not turn out as I expect. I am a senior in the school of business with no job offer. Liken this to being the Last of the Mohicans or a wild, three-headed elephant roaming the streets of Manhattan; if the embarrassment isn't enough it's only a matter of time until I'm shot and killed. I told this to a fat, bald guy who works at PriceWaterhouseCoopers. He thought I was pathetic.

There's this girl in my banking class that is pretty and thin but her skin has this weird sheen to it like maybe she rubbed olive oil all over herself or maybe she is made out of wax. She was talking to me today about all the job offers she is entertaining. When I thought she had left the class to go pee, she was actually answering a call to receive another offer. She told me that she has one particular job in mind and plans to move to New York City for it but the $68,000 salary she is being offered sounds too low. I didn't tell her that I'm probably going to move home after school and the $8 an hour wage at Trader Joe's sounds just right.

Obviously, I am miles and miles smarter and more qualified than these people (I got straight A's in the fifth grade). I can't understand why I'm being shunned by every employer like I'm the egg salad in a Ruby Tuesday salad bar. Maybe there is some sort of scarlet letter on my back that I don't know about. Maybe they know I'm gay.

It would be hard to pinpoint the exact mistake that caused the derailment of my hopes and dreams, but I'm going to try anyway. Maybe it was the time I spent three months sunbathing and watching Desperate Housewives reruns instead of getting a summer internship. Maybe it was the time I switched to business because architecture was too hard. Maybe it was the time I switched to architecture because pre-med was too hard. I probably shouldn't have eaten an entire can of sour cream and onion pringles before my office interview with Ernst & Young.

My father, who is deeply invested in preventing me from shaming the family name, would probably say that I lack the confidence to endure the hardships that come along with the things I really want in life. And that this is all my fault because he was the best father in the world. And it's also my fault because I am gay and therefore a complete and utter failure. (This is a hypothetical and absolutely unrealistic world where I have come out to my parents.)

Though I've never really considered that being gay would have an impact on the other areas of my life, I'm beginning to see that it does. Maybe my fear of rejection and the constant swirl of doubt in my mind has prevented me from pushing myself to be something great. Instead, I've settled on just fitting in because deep down, that's all I really want.

8 comments:

Benny said...

You don't have to be gay to fear rejection and have self-doubts. Getting your first real job is tricky and stressful for most people; more so these days. You don't come off as a "just settling" kind of guy. I'm sure you'll get what you want in due course & do very well.

Was that too smarmy NICO?

drew said...

Maybe you have gay tattooed in scarlet letters on your back. That would also explain things.

Anonymous said...

you'd probably have more offers if you were out to potential employers. Commitment To Diversity works in your favor for once!

LordNelson said...

I tend to find most people mistake my contempt for their stupidity to be confidence on my part.

Maybe try that.

dccised said...

drew: this means i should not wear a halter top to my next interview, no?

anon: does that work? perhaps i should feign retardation and paraplegia

lordnelson: my contempt for others' stupidity usually manifests itself in the form of a hotflash

Random Thinker said...

grunt it out, and look for a job the old fashioned way. Make friends with that girl, and find out which offers she is gonna turn down. then go beg at those companies!

Mike @ Citigroup said...

Margret, Our statistical models indicate you'd be a perfect candidate for a mortgage/foreclosure and/or boat loan! Or would you like to open a credit card? How about a credit card? No job? Don't worry. Just fill out this application.

Dan said...

"She told me that she has one particular job in mind and plans to move to New York City for it but the $68,000 salary she is being offered sounds too low. I didn't tell her that I'm probably going to move home after school and the $8 an hour wage at Trader Joe's sounds just right."

That may be the funniest thing I've ever read.