Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Chinese Buffett

My mother calls me at work.

Her: How would you like to make $40 of interest.
Me: How did you find my number?
Her: I need to borrow $5,000.
Me: I already told you I don't think a facelift is a good investment.
Her: My best friend is opening a jewelry store in La Jolla Beach.
Me: I think you should get a facelift instead.
Her: This is how Warren Buffett made his fortune you know.
Me: Investing in small business ventures led by discontent, middle-aged, Chinese women.
Her: And See's Candies.

When the conversation is over, the issue is still unresolved. I'm sure that $5,000 will be missing by the end of the day. She has all my account numbers memorized and considers these "loans" a personal debt I owe her for all the food, shelter, and violin lessons over the years.

Coincidentally, Warren Buffett appears on the front page of Yahoo news in a list of most successful people to get rejected from their first choice college. I read the story, hoping at least one of these people will be Asian, fat, and emotionally unstable.

Buffett says:
But at the time, he "had this feeling of dread" after being rejected in an admissions interview in Chicago [for Harvard], and a fear of disappointing his father.
Memories, light the corner of my mind.
As it turned out, his father responded with "only this unconditional love...an unconditional belief in me," Mr. Buffett says.
This feels... less familiar.

And his story ends with him, "dashing off to Columbia instead." How adequate.



I am never going to see that money again, am I.

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

You should change your bank account numbers...

SGfNYC said...

Ha. Interesting anonymous advice.

When at that change also your name, address, phone numbers and sent your parents a letter about how you're moving to Asia to become a monk. Tell them not to look for you in a few years and not to expect any letter or phonecall due to that silence vow that you took.

david said...

i haven't been reading blogs for the past 2 weeks... just caught up with yours. it's quite nice to return and see how wonderful (SIKE) your life is.

Tommy said...

Sounds a little like a proposed sequel to the Joy Luck Club...

Oh and if someone asks you to help finance a sequel to the Joy Luck Club, do it.

The Illustrious D said...

Cheeesebulgel in paladise.

Wait, that's Jimmy Buffett.

Whatever. The image of your mother crooning 70's Cali-pop is still funny.

TED said...

You should explain to your mother that $40 of interest on a $5,000 loan would make the loan a below-market rate loan and subject to additional income tax reporting under Internal Revenue Code §7872. You might also consider that you can get a much larger return on investment by reporting your parents to the IRS, though you may want to keep that bit of information to yourself.

Anonymous said...

Loved the dialogue

sean said...

you should come hang with me in mass. life here is so much more fun than the beltway shitttt

Anonymous said...

why do you have $5,000 in your account?

dccised said...

anon: what am i, a farmer

Another Anonymous said...

How much does a farmer keeps in his account?