Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Moving Out Is Hard To Do

And I hate moving out. I try very hard in my everyday life to be an unemotional and callous, but really I am a sentimental and nostalgic. Leaving the room that I've lived in all year makes me want to cry a little and die a little.

My parents are in Taiwan right now so I had to move all of my things myself. This is actually a blessing in disguise. My parents' idea of helping is to be counterproductive, frustrating, and unaccepting of different lifestyles. So that was good. Until I had to bring my giant fridge down to my car. It was heavy and I've got the arms of a tyrannosaurus rex. I tried to lift it high and carry it fast to impress a hot guy that was watching me. I hit my car with the corner and scratched it.

Looking at the empty room is depressing. It's like all the memories are gone and the entire year never happened. I can't believe I'm never coming back. I miss living with the only guy who knows I'm gay / the only guy who I've ever hooked up with. When we lived together he cared about me and he made an effort. I miss the way we were. But he moved out halfway through the year and he moved on.

I called him this afternoon, so that I could help him move out. I did this for selfish reasons because I wanted to see him and I also wanted his parking space after he left. I invited him to my house party this weekend. He said another one of his friends was having a party this week and he would have to see. I'm pretty sure he is lying. I'm also pretty sure he is really confused that one minute I hate him and the next minute I'm inviting him to my house for parties and to my room for blowjobs. He told me I should get psychological help. Which is kind of insulting, but that might be wise.

He's moving back into the same building next year and I am moving across campus. I told him I want to work on our friendship and he said that he does too. But I just don't think he cares anymore.

I hate moving out. Because I hate moving on.


Drew said...

That is a beautiful, truthful end to your post.

"I hate moving out. Because I hate moving on."

I have many of the same problems especially at the end of a school year and the end of the summer.

Use this time to recharge, reinvent yourself. Good luck!

annna said...

yeah i like the last sentence.

Hey if you're 19, are you still considered a teenager? LOL

Anna said...

oh, ANDDD do you ever think you're boy obsessed? Like, not in the offensive way :)

Aek said...

I hate moving out too. Partly because I like to hold onto my memories of the place, and yeah, moving out is kind of like erasing them one by one. But also, I just HATE packing (and unpacking).

I hope you enjoy your summer. Use it to get away from your world, relax, recharge, so you're able to take on the world again in the fall.

Best of luck! *Hugs*

Jeff said...

It's funny how people feel differently about these things. I love moving out. I like throwing away everything I don't need and just packing up and going; like I was never there. It makes me feel fresh, unhindered, and free.

j said...

anna: i am nothing but boy obsessed.

David said...

J, thanks for the post. it really summed up what i felt about my move out too (except i did not get to hook up with my roommate darn).

hopefully summer will be more fruitful. catch my drift? :D